I try to stay off Facebook first thing in the morning. I’ve learned it’s not a great way to start my day. But today I didn’t listen to my own advice. My phone was right there beside me while I was waiting for my coffee to brew. “Just a quick look,” I thought.
I hit that welcoming button and it took me right to Facebookland.
I saw a cute puppy post. Liked it.
I saw that a donkey, who needed a home or he would be euthanized today, found that new home. That made me happy and so, I liked it.
I saw a friend holding her newly born grandson. Loved that one.
And then I scrolled down.
There it was.
A meme making fun of two of the Parkland shooting survivors. Ridiculing them for being activists and standing up and speaking out against gun violence.
Who would post this? Not someone I want to be friends with! And my finger was poised to push the delete button.
But WAIT!
This is someone I like. This is someone I respect. This is someone I care about.
My heart sunk into my chest and my stomach started doing flip-flops.
Within 90 seconds, my whole morning had been ruined.
Again, my gut reaction was to delete this person from my “friends” list.
However, I stopped and tried to reason with myself:
Would I let this person in my house spewing hatred like this? Would I welcome them to stay, have coffee, maybe some lunch?
Emphatically HELL NO!
I would tell them to leave and show them to the door.
What’s the difference then? If I wouldn’t want to hear or see this propaganda in person, why would I accept seeing it on social media? It’s similar, right?
My second thought was to send a message telling this person how hurtful this meme is and how it doesn’t help the issue at hand–the school shootings and the fact that children are being killed. It actually helps to further polarize all of us.
I knew I did not want to comment on the post, because that’s when people start attacking and I feel that absolutely nothing gets accomplished in that way. Usually this just creates a social media shitshow.
Maybe I should get off Facebook for a while? But why should I be the one to leave? Have I caused harm? I certainly try not to.
Besides, I like Facebook (mostly). I enjoy seeing friends’ posts about nature, plants, their families, vacations, work, hobbies, and pets.
So no, I’m not going to leave. I’ve done enough cutting off my nose to spite my face in my lifetime.
Should I unfollow this person? What good is it to be Facebook friends with them if I don’t see their posts?
Social media is tricky. There’s a lot to think about when engaging online.
In the past when I’ve seen inflammatory posts like this I have immediately deleted the person from my friends list.
Once when I didn’t delete, but decided to send a private message of concern, that person (a close blood relative) deleted me.
I’m not talking about posts that I disagree with or go against the way I think. I’m ok with that. I can scroll past and forget about it. I’m talking about hateful, mean-spirited, hurtful posts.
I don’t want this kind of negativity in my life. Anywhere in my life, including online. I respect others’ opinions as long as they are respectful of others’ opinions.
I had to get this out and think about it.
Now I know what I have to do.
I ask:
Can we please learn to engage in the art of civil discourse once again? Stooping low to ridicule, intimidate, and threaten others who are trying to promote necessary change is not beneficial to anyone. Especially our children.
Photograph of statue in a park, Lewes, UK, 2013.
Giving Voice to My Astonishment 
Like the previous commenter, I’m also just trying to check it less. I have friends around the world and Facebook is the most realistic way to keep tabs on them. But it can be so depressing!
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Yes, FB seems to be the most efficient and user-friendly form of social media for communicating with international friends. That’s one reason I really find it hard to disconnect. I, too, have been on it less frequently and must admit, I’m much happier for it.
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I’ve felt all those things with Facebook too, Cheryl. Been checking in less and less.
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Me, too, Cynthia.
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A lot of truth to this problem – I’m in full agreement, I keep it all civil and can’t be bothered to get into arguments that lead to more friction, that way I can get out of it what it’s meant for – keeping in touch with people and their interests, their lives, keeping it polite and friendly, and caring. Politics seems to bring out the worst of this conflict, so I steer well clear!
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Politics didn’t used to be quite so polarizing and hateful. These are extremely divided times here.
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Very well said. I suppose that meme really was sent by your friend?
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Yes, the meme was posted by a friend. Someone I’ve known for decades, a childhood friend. But I don’t see this friend often now, only on Facebook, as we don’t live near each other. It is always a shock to see how someone really feels about a subject, especially with the current political atmosphere in the States. This is an unsettled time here. Thanks for reading and responding, Derrick.
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All very sad
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Post cards are not intimidating, attractive and show genuine effort on the part of the sender ( I don’t work for post card manufacturers by the way!)✉️✉️🌞
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Ha! Your comment made me smile:)
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Common decency seems to be passe’. A major reason I haven’t opted in to FB (and am actually anti-FB) is because of so much of the hate. I have a hard time with the concept of “social” media when so many are “anti-social,” not just in their hurtful comments but in not looking at someone in the eye, phoning, or getting together personally one-to-one. To me, it all comes down to respect. And until we are willing to listen to another’s point of view, there will be no understanding or ability to find common ground. My only hope is that the pendulum will have to swing back to right itself — sadly, though, it might not happen in this lifetime.
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You’re right about the lack of respect. I think that’s a big part of the problem. It’s also much easier to be disresptful, mean, and rude when hiding behind a screen and keyboard. As you pointed out, that’s what is happening with social media: it is making us anti-social! Thank you for reading and responding so thoughtfully.
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I don’t do face book, Twitter et al. They don’t make me happy. Real friends will stay in touch in the real world.Buy a box of postcards and send joyful comments old style! ✉️😀
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I like that idea! Writing letters is another lost art. We need to bring that and civil discourse back. Thanks so much for reading.
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You speak a powerful truth that concerns many right now. I’m happy that my friends from other viewpoints have fallen silent on serious issues, and I do my best to refrain from posting anything they might find hurtful. In the past I did post things I found funny in a way that relieved my tension and depression over current politics, and received blowback. For now I mostly enjoy the comedians in privacy, and don’t share, but sometimes the light they shine is too bright on the truth to hold back. In those cases I let the chips fall where they may, and hope that if those friends look, they see what I see.
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As always, Va, you bring wisdom to the situation. Thank you.
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Well said, Cheryl. Thank you for wrestling with this issue out in the open.
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Thanks, B. We wrestled this one together. I’m so honored to call you my friend.
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I agree with you 100% on this!! Sometimes what people find numerous is just downright disrespectful to everyone else. These kids went through a horrendous act of violence and good for them to want a safe place to be!! Shame on anyone that thinks any different!
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Thanks so much for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.
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I could not agree more. Civil discourse has become something of a lost art. Thanks for this post. I mostly like social media too, but there are days I find it depressing. Chin up! I appreciate you!
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Thank you! (Yeah, those depressing days. Ugh.)
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